A Free Emotional Health Coverage Plan for Those Over 65 Seconds Old
Deena Zalkind Spear
Our energy fields are a manifestation of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and intentions. Our physical bodies result from our energy fields, not the other way around. While at the deepest layers we may well be one glorious being, at this level of reality we live in a world where each of us has our own challenges and our own free will. We need to keep our energy fields to ourselves.
One mother wrote to me about her experience with her daughter as she learned to stop merging: “I felt as though my daughter was a reflection of me. If she wasn’t good or had failed, I had failed as a mother. This was obviously tied to my ego. When I let go and let her be her own person, all the arguments vanished. Yes, sometimes she failed, but that was her problem, and I still was a good mother.”
When two or more people are merged, it makes it less likely that any individual is going to do his or her own personal emotional homework. That doesn’t guarantee that if you unmerge from an overweight spouse he or she will suddenly cease to eat lunch at Pizza Hut. But it does increase the likelihood that a person will consider emotional change. While merged, no one can really tell who is who.
A Bedtime Story
The first seven years of Nathan’s life were spent in a one-room cabin, and he was accustomed to sleeping in the same room as his parents. Sheila wrote that shortly before they moved to a larger home, it appeared to her that Nathan began to fear the dark and to fear his mother going to sleep before he did. She felt that sleep-aways from home were traumatic for him. After the move to a larger place, Nathan had his own room but continued to sleep in a bed beside his mother. It seemed to her that he continued to panic if he were not the first one to fall asleep, or at least fall asleep before his mother.
As I looked at the energy fields of Sheila and Nathan, I saw that Sheila’s energy was merged in with Nathan’s and that it was very unhealthy for both parties. I could see it was important that Sheila separate her field from her son’s, and I gave her the “Zip Up” exercise to do. Very quickly, she was able to perform it successfully and separate her field from Nathan’s during the day. I knew, however, that there was no way she could keep that up at night with Nathan sleeping in a bed right next to hers. And I could see that Sheila’s husband was not thrilled about the sleeping arrangements either. (This does not mean that married couples who have overlapping problems need to sleep separately in order to unmerge. This particular situation with mother and son required a physical separation.)
To me it looked critical that Sheila move Nathan into his own room at night, and that she do it in a very matter-of-fact way. I believed that with the separation of energy fields, he would no longer panic.
At first Sheila was reluctant and she simply moved Nathan’s bed further away in the same room. I saw this didn’t change the energy dynamic and that she still overlapped fields with him at night. I became adamant that she not waste another minute in getting him in his own room. Again, I believed that if she felt it were no big deal, moving Nathan to separate sleeping quarters should be fine.
To Sheila’s astonishment and relief, the whole move of Nathan to his own bedroom for sleeping took place without trauma at all. Once she understood the energy dynamic and took steps to remedy the situation, she was able to change the physical logistics without much ado. She sent me an email shortly after saying:
"Nathan sure has responded positively to this healing. Not only is he feeling really good in his own room—it’s like a revelation…Last night he woke up about 2:00 a.m. and called out for me, stating that he was scared. I walked over to his bed, gave him a kiss, and told him I was going back to bed and would be in my room if he needed me...and he went right back to sleep! And this is the only incident of any fear. He hasn't mentioned feeling afraid—which was practically a nightly ritual before—when he prepared for sleep."
She wrote again later that Nathan now looked forward to bedtime in his own room and she was amazed at how effortless the change had been once she unmerged with his energy field. Previously she found Nathan completely resistant to sleeping in his own room.
The follow-up for a healing like this involves being sure that the self-esteem of the person who has learned not to merge is sufficiently in place. Sometimes when one makes a change like this, there is a tendency to feel guilty about not having done what was needed earlier. There might be worry about having caused harm once someone realizes how different the energy dynamic between two people can be when energy fields are separate. The understanding needs to be that we do the best we know to do in the moment, and when we know better, we do better.
The “Zip-Up” Exercise
This is a very simple exercise, and so far it has been like magic for a number of clients who needed to separate their energy fields from others. The exercise is the same regardless of whether the person doing it has been actively merging into others or someone has been merging into him or her. It only takes one party to end the dynamic. Of course, if both parties are open and understanding of what needs to happen, it’s terrific for everyone involved to perform the “Zip-Up.” But if you are being merged into by someone else in a situation where you can’t say anything, you will not be a victim. You can prevent the merge from your end alone.
Visualize you and the other person facing in opposite directions (away from each other). This visualization is done within your own mind. There is no “out there.” Each of you has on a body suit that zips up above your heads. Zip up the suits and walk away in opposite directions. Repeat as needed. Most people feel the difference and the relief is so evident that they learn quickly to remain in their own field.
Copyright July, 2006 by Deena Zalkind Spear
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